Timeline
by Harmonic Friction
Summary: Follow a very candid Dudley Dursley from age three to after Deathly Hallows time [spoilers]. Nursery school, Smeltings, and beyond. A stream of consciousness memory poem in the first person, marking the events that caused Dudley to rethink his life.


**AN: **What started out as a little drabble became an epic stream-of-consciousness poem from the eyes of Dudley Dursley. If you enjoy this, you should read my fanfiction, _Recall Alice When She Was Just Small. _

**Summary:** Follow a very candid Dudley Dursley's thoughts from three years old to age eighteen, from nursery school until after DH time.

**Rating: **Teen, for a few swearwords, drug use and mentioned sexuality

* * *

_Timeline_

* * *

**Nursery School**

I am Dudley Dursley

I am three

I do not like to share my toys

My cousin Harry is small

I like to pinch him but not too hard

We walk to the bus stop

We watch out for cars

I like snack time

A boy calls me fat

so I shove a crayon in his nose!

I do not like the teacher

She says No so much!

Piers Polkiss lives down the road

We play in the sandbox

Harry watches

Mum grabs him by the arm

I don't know why

* * *

**Primary School**

Mum and Dad say Harry is not good

I don't like when he makes them mad

I have to teach him a lesson

I do not like school

They call me fat!

I do not like running

Piers and me trade lunches

Harry sits alone

Piers and me say hi to these other boys

Soon we are friends

We like to get the kids who make fun of me!

We like to grab them

I punch them!

Harry gets in trouble a lot

So we chase him, too

He does weird things

At home I like to watch the tele

I like to eat

I like to see Harry be told he is bad

Then I can be Mummy and Dad's favourite!

* * *

**First Year**

The summer before now was stupid

Letters rained into our living room

A snake attacked me and Piers!

No one looked at me, they all asked Harry questions

I did some bad things so they would see me again!

I made myself puke all over!

I threw my turtle and I liked to hit Dad with my Smeltings stick

…but none of this worked

Dad went mad! And nailed a lot of holes in the walls

(Mummy was angry)

And they told me to pack because we are driving away

And then I got in trouble!

I hate Harry

What kind of summer

is that?

I asked Mum "Why did this happen?"

She says: Because Harry is a freak

Harry got sent to some special school and I got a pig tail that I'm

not supposed to talk about from some weird man and I was SCARED

We had to make up some story to my doctor and now he thinks I'm a freak too

I hate doctors

I hate Harry

I didn't like having a pig tail. It hurt my bottom.

--

Smeltings is dumb but I can't say this because

Dad is in love with it or something

I have to walk up so many stairs for class

There are boys there who call me fat

And 'whale'

So I punch them! Piers, Malcom, Gordon and Dennis do too

They came to Smeltings also because everyone thinks it's a nice school

Whatever!

I say school is a waste no matter what!

But I will not tell this to Dad

--

Christmas hols is fun because since Mum and Dad are so mad

that Harry is a freak, I get A LOT of presents!

Aunt Marge drinks too much

Mum gets quiet and does dishes

Even when there aren't any

I watch tele

And I really like to eat

* * *

**Second Year**

I don't feel well but I don't tell Mum about this

It is lots of work to walk upstairs to my room

I feel hungrier and hungrier

She calls me a growing boy

I feel sick a lot

Harry is a wizard (?)

He threatens me! A lot! Even when I don't do anything!

He said he'd set a bush on fire

That's… weird

He makes me mad

So I try to leave him alone

This is hard because I want to ask him about his stupid school

But I won't tell Dad or Mum about this

Harry ruins a pudding

It is a waste of a very good pudding!

That makes me mad

And he leaves in a flying car…

Yes, a flying car

Why am I related to him!!?

Life sucks

--

Smeltings is okay, I guess

Too much homework in my opinion, and the same kids

Say the same things

All I want to do is sleep or play and they are asking me to do homework!?

School is a complete waste of my time

Piers agrees

We learn in History about boycotts

We are thinking that is not such a bad idea

Dennis and them, they are sort of annoying

But I keep them around

**

* * *

**

**Third Year**

Why doesn't everyone just leave me alone?

All I want out of summer is to be able to watch television in peace, play my video games, and stay at home

I DO NOT want to see my friends

I DO NOT want to talk to Harry

And I **DO NOT **want Aunt Marge to visit, but she does anyway

Before she comes, I tell Mum I need another tele

because it is very difficult to have to get food from the kitchen and walk back to the living room, so we set one up on the counter, and this makes my life a lot better because then I don't have to waste my time walking from room to room

I don't even know what I watch on tele anymore but it's better than listening to all of them

The only good thing about Aunt Marge's visit is that Mum makes a lemon meringue pie and then for some reason, Harry makes her so big she floats away and then I don't have to see her

And then Harry leaves!

It's a pretty good deal

If you ask me

--

I HATE SMELTINGS

I HATE IT!

I cannot focus on anything the teachers say; they're stupid wankers, the whole lot

Dennis, Malcom, Gordon and Piers are just mental and I still hang out with them but they are bothering me because they are in good moods!

Every time I walk from class to class, I get made fun of

I feel so tired

I have to eat as much as I can at lunch, breakfast and dinner

or else it's not worth it

And then, one day, the worst happens

I am trying to get dressed for class and I pull up my trousers

…and they won't fit

(no matter what I do)

I don't like to say it

But I feel like crying because I'm so angry

I decide not to go to class and say I'm sick

Then, I have to talk to the office and I tell them

That their stupid uniform isn't big enough

…and they tell me they don't _have _sizes bigger than what I had

They say they are calling Mum and Dad

They tell me to go to the nurse

I don't want to. They can't make me

Until they have her take me out of class

She tells me I have a serious problem, and that I need a diet

Only girls need diets

I hate Smeltings

So I beat up this kid by myself

Just because

**

* * *

**

**Fourth Year**

I've never eaten such horrible food in my life

I am being starved

Harry keeps laughing at me

Then his friends from his stupid freak show school come

And I _really _want this piece of candy

AND IT MAKES MY TONGUE GET BIGGER!

I **HATE **THEM

All I wanted was something besides _grapefruit_

Mum says she's going to make it all better

I'm really not so sure

--

I get harassed daily and I have to eat special food

Piers, Malcom, Dennis and Gordon stick up for me

We all hate the world

The nurse is such a bitch

She tells me I'm in control now

I tell her I always was

She laughs at me

You _do not _laugh at Dudley Dursley  
Anyone can tell you that

I have to take walks

And run

I hate her

--

The coach's name is Mr. White

He tells me he likes my "stature"

He asks if I've ever watched boxing

I shrug. It's okay

He asks me to join boxing

I tell him I don't know

He tells me he's required to put me on the team

So I can "lose weight"

So I spend a whole two days wondering

Why would he ask me when he is just gonna tell me I have to anyway

Adults are fucked up

But boxing is actually pretty cool

Even though I have to do all kinds of stupid exercise

I lift weights in the weight room

At first it's hard

But then I can lift a lot

I like to compete

I get to hit people and it's okay

I learn which kind of fighter I am

I'm a slugger

I work on my jabs and hooks

I have a great right hook

I hope I give someone a concussion

* * *

**Year Five**

I've won the championship for boxing in Surrey

I knocked this sixteen year old out

I got a trophy and a medal

Dad is really proud of me

I'm almost happy about it

I know I dieted but I feel bigger

I have a lot of muscle now

And I got taller

My mates and I like to hang out at the play park

We like to throw gravel at stupid little kids

And chuck rocks at cars

And beat up people who mess with us

We are smokers now and we steal fags from the corner store off Magnolia

This kid we know sells pot

And sometimes when it's too hot, we pool our quid and take hits

Everything seems kind of funny then

But so sweaty

Then I feel like I have to eat

Almost as bad as when

I was a kid

The park gives me a headache on those days

The merry-go-round spins

We sit on it and yell cuss words

Sometimes girls come and talk to us

They are small and I want to do stupid shit in front of them

They laugh a lot

And call me "Big D" which is my boxing nickname

I tell Piers I know a lot about fucking when really I don't

I think I have a boner twenty-four hours a day

And I need to get laid

--

Then Harry makes everything weird

And calls me names

But I have something on him

'cause I've heard him yelling in his sleep

About his mum and his daddy and some bloke named Cedric

When I call him on his shit it makes him angry

And…

I don't know what happens next

Because it gets very cold and fucking like, I don't know

Like I feel horrible

I swear Harry's doing it to me because he has his stupid wand out

I punch him

We are falling then

Or at least I feel like it

When I am lying on the ground, there is someone above me that I can't see

I can hear shit but I don't know…

I suddenly think of every horrible thing that's happened

Like not being able to fit into my Smeltings uniform

And every kid I beat up ever

And pushing Harry down the stairs

And making life hard for Mum when she never goes against me

I am mean and angry

…I wonder if this is how I look to everyone else, like, I can see myself clear in my mind and I'm

hard to get along with and sort of horrid-seeming

And I don't think I'm really like that, but still, it makes me sick

And suddenly I'm home, and I am puking everywhere for real

I've never felt so sick

I want to kill myself

I think I need to go to bed

Please don't let me be how I looked in those thoughts…

Mum says she is going to make everything all better

I want to believe her

She says it was The Dementors…something else to do with my cousin

I wish I would have given him a concussion!

--

I don't think much about school

I still feel weird

I keep looking in the mirror and hoping I'm not as gross as I looked in those thoughts

What does Harry think he's playing at, anyway?

I keep up with my boxing

I learn to quit being so hard about punching

It's only a sport

It's not worth that

I hate how I seemed

I can't stop thinking of all the times I did such stupid shit

**

* * *

**

**Year Six**

When I see Harry, I want to ask him about the memories I had

About the Dementors

But he's never keen on talking to me

So I pretend I don't care

Some wackjob comes from his school

And tells Mum and Dad that I'm mistreated

(Great. Something else to think about!)

I wonder if he means that I've turned out bad

And it's their fault

Well

I don't want to turn out bad

--

Every time I get angry, I go on a run and bring weights

Sometimes Piers comes

Dennis, Malcom and Gordon are retarded

We dropped them

Piers annoys me still but I need someone to talk to

We never really had anything in common, besides him holding down

kids for me to punch

So we really have nothing to say to each other

I still love food

But I've gotten to the point where I don't think about it all the time

I listen to music more than watching television

But I also look at a lot of porn

I have to laugh when I think about what Mum would say

--

I lose weight, but I'm still huge

I still feel fat but I'm in shape

It's okay to get up and down stairs

I realize that Smeltings is not all that stupid

I really wasted time complaining about so much shit

I think about Harry

And realise he saved me from those things

I blamed him for that, too

I feel bad

--

On Christmas hols, I help Dad put up the tree

He kicks it a lot. I try not to laugh—I'm glad I don't have that much of a temper

Afterward, he thanks me and we go on a drive, just me and Dad

We don't say much

Mum and I go holiday shopping together. I hate shopping, but she has fun, so that's okay

She tells me about Mrs. Next-door, and the prime minister, and the prices that keep

Going up

Aunt Marge comes for Christmas and I don't let Dad keep giving her brandy

It's a lot nicer this time around

--

I don't beat up one person this whole year

And even though I hate homework, I do it (sometimes)

When I look in the mirror, I can see that I am getting happier

And maybe that means I'm not going to turn out bad

**

* * *

**

**Year Seven**

When I see Harry, I don't know what to do

Obviously, he doesn't give a shit about what happens to me

Because we don't have a very lovely relationship, one might say

He also doesn't know I am trying very hard

So I make it clear about what I'm doing

In the morning, I try to leave tea outside his door…

But, when I see him, he doesn't say anything!

I have a hunch that Mum is taking away the tea

Before he sees it

I even say "good morning" to him

He looks surprised

So I end up leaving him alone

He tells all of us that because he is famous

and because he is wanted by some dark thing (I know, right? _Harry!_)

that we will have to be taken away by these magical people and be put in a safe place

Dad is angry

Mum is quiet

I say nothing and pack

The way I see it, it's the only way for us to be safe

And I don't think Harry would lie about something like that

Even _if _he hates us

--

I remember now when we packed to hide from all the owls and letters

And I tried to stuff my tele, games and everything into a suitcase

This is sort of funny now

Because I don't even care about anything like that anymore

Mum and Dad have told Smeltings that we are taking a "mandatory year off

to become more educated about the world"

That is the most hilarious thing I've heard in my life

Smeltings sends me some maths to work on and a few books to read

But I'll still have to take a few courses when we get out of hiding

Still, a cut in homework? I'll take it.

All I bring with me is my music, my weights, and school things

--

When it's time for us to go

I'm confused

I thought Harry was going to come in hiding with us

And then I could slowly start talking to him

But he isn't

It takes me awhile, but finally, I manage to tell him

That he isn't a waste of space

He seems to think that we all think that

But I don't.

He is shocked a little bit

I tell him he saved my life back with the Dementors

And I want to say a thousand things

but I don't want to look too stupid

Or emotional

Mum embarrasses me with her crying! But she can't help that

Dad is confused, as always

Harry looks at me like always, but he seems okay with me

Maybe I'll see him when the whole war is over

I hope he survives

We didn't get this far

For him to just die on us!

I give him a hand shake

His hand is still rather small

With that, it's time to go and on the way to the place,

Mum says nothing

Tears are pooling down her face

I keep my arm around her.

**

* * *

**

**One Year Later**

We've learned a lot about each other

And magic

Dad still thinks it's preposterous but he doesn't twitch as much

He seems to understand that they protected all of us with everything they had

Mum was quiet a lot of the time

We see in the wizard's newspaper, _The Daily Prophet_

That Harry lived and won that war

When we are able to move back into Privet Drive

I ask her if we should invite Harry over

And she just says "Give him time"

Not 'no'

Not 'absolutely not'

Just "Give him time"

And then Dad says:

"I hope he cut that dreadful hair of his."

I guess some things

Can never change.

**/fin**

* * *


End file.
